Q: Wife: I’m exhausted. How little se_x with my husband can I get away with? Husband: My wife is always exhausted. How can I get more se_x into our lives?

A: The truth is no one can quantify what represents "enough" se_x for any couple.

Most of us feel unsatisfied, not only because we believe our partners lack sufficient interest in se_x but also because we often expect our se_x lives to remain unaffected by hectic work schedules, pressure to meet deadlines, household chores, children's schooling, extramural activities, etcetera.

Most couples have se_x between three and five times a month and many couples are unnecessarily shy to admit this.

Unless a couple maintain honest and open communication, it is easy to harbour resentment for each other and one of the first things to suffer as a result is the se_x life.

It is so important to make time for self-care and self-love; refill your love tank with activities that you enjoy so that you are able to be present and emotionally available for your partner.

It may sound calculated and unromantic, but consider scheduling in advance a "date night" or free time with your partner - too many of us find our days and nights are taken up with catching up on work and other chores.

If one of you feels under pressure to have se_x, and not enough time is spent during foreplay to reconnect and be intimate, se_x tends to become like a chore we dread.

I always say to couples that when it comes to se_x, quality is better than quantity.

Spoil your loved one with some "me-time" - for example, take over the childcare and household chores for the day, so they can feel valued and cared for.

Remember that we cannot give that which we do not have and that love is in the detail.

• Dr Tlaleng Mofokeng (MBChB), se_xual and reproductive health practice, DISA Clinic, 011-886-2286, visit safersex.co.za