I’m not really sure where to start. I’m very emotional right now, so I’m sorry if this post is jumbled or incoherent.

I recently found out that my SO has been texting and FB messaging with a female coworker of his and keeping it a secret from me. He admits that he purposed hid how close they are because he knew I would be upset about it.

I want to make a point of saying that I do not mind if he has female friends. We have hung out together with some of his female coworkers several times and I really like them. I just started having a strange feeling about this one girl a few months back, but for the most part I kept it to myself. She just recently (a few days ago) broke up with her boyfriend and she and my SO have been talking nonstop since. He has always been very vocal about not liking her boyfriend and this has always made me feel a bit uncomfortable. I saw a message that he sent to her (after her breakup) that said “i’ll beat him within an inch of his life if that’d make you happy”, I assume he is referring to her ex. It doesn’t sound like something you’d say to someone you’re just interested in being friends with.

I confronted him about how I felt like they’re relationship seemed a bit inappropriate and how it’s like we’re never alone because he’s constantly on his phone (and always angling it away from me so I can’t see). He said that she is now his best friend and he feels very close to her, but that it is just platonic. This is news to me. As far as I know, we’ve only hung out with her like 4 times… He said that she shares stuff with him that she doesn’t share with anyone else and that there is stuff in their conversations that he does not want me to see. And he won’t let me look. He admits that he lied and hid things, but that I should trust him.

He doesn’t see anything wrong with his relationship with this woman and has no plans of ending it or enforcing some boundaries. He thinks I’m overreacting and being jealous. I feel so helpless. I’ve been nauseous for days.

Am I right to be upset? Am I overreacting?