Reports hitting our news desks are that a 49-year-old Jo’burg gentleman met with an early demise after he made use of a manhood enlargement ‘potato’ he bought during the Easter holidays when he took a trip to Venda.
The man who has since been identified as Bernard Mkhize was a family man with 3 kids and had been married for nearly 16 years.
Close sources told us that Mr Mkhize passed away after using the enlargement concoction for a fortnight.
Word is that Benard had confided to his friends that his wife had always been cracking jokes at his manho_od saying it was the tiniest she had ever set her eyes on. Apparently she was had now turned to boyfriends for satisfaction.
And Mr Mkhize in a gallant bid to win back the love of his life and revive his marriage decided to do something about the size of his 4-5. During Easter holidays, it is reported, Mr Mkhize passed through Venda where he was convinced by a vendor at the taxi rank that the ‘magic’ potatoes he was selling could turn around his fortunes for the better in the bedroom.
And indeed the ‘magic potato’ was working, but it is suspected that Mr Mkhize in his haste for instant results threw caution to the wind and took multiple daily overdoses of the ‘potato’ concoction and in just two weeks, his 4-5 had grown over five times bigger in size and was not slowing down!
At first his wife and all his buddies were very impressed, but the glory and joy was short-lived as he started complaining of ‘piercing’ pains in his manho_od.
“I blame myself for his death. I never really meant for this to happen, if I had not nagged him about his sausage, he would still be with us today. I still have nightmares about the days leading up to his passing away, his 4-5 would be ‘hard’ all day and night, and then he just collapsed and he was declared dead by the Ambulance Crew” said a tearful Mrs. Mkhize.
A medical expert who talked to us on condition of anonymity, said that, that Mkhize most likely succumbed to Cardiogenic shock, a rare condition in which the heart suddenly can’t pump enough blood to meet the body’s needs. The boffin told us that the condition is most often caused by a severe heart attack.
Efforts to track down the Venda vendor(no pun intended) are proving to be a nightmare but Johannesburg metro police spokesperson, Senior Superintendent Wayne Minnaar confirmed that they had received ‘reports’ of the incident but said their hands were tied as this was a private, family, matter and at any rate, no formal report had been placed at their offices.
Superintendent Minnaar then took the opportunity to urge South Africans to desist from using unapproved and uncertified drugs and bush’medicines’.
Meanwhile Mr. Mkhize will be laid to rest this weekend in Soweto.