Why Some Women Hate Sex... And What You Can Do About It
Picture this scenario: it is 10pm and you are lying next to your wife one the bed and you are as horny as a dog in heat. Your manhood is stiff and ready to get itself some good gliding. She is naked, to add to the torture. You slide your hand over her closer breast as you press your hips against her. She suddenly gets very still and quiet. You can almost feel her skin crawl as you try to caress her. Then, sounding somewhat annoyed, she says: "Honey, not tonight. I'm tired." And this is the second week that she keeps giving you that lame excuse.
So you stop, shut down again, hoping to try your luck later, but knowing deep down, it will turn out the same. You ask yourself what could be her problem. Is she the only one that works? Why can't she just have sex with you, even if it is just a quickie, when you need it so much? There could be reasons why your woman is denying you sex and there are some psychological insights and strategies for you as a capable and vital man to consider for improving your sex life with your wife.
Why she says no:
1. She is too tired
Research has shown that women typically do about seven times more housework and childcare than their husbands do, even when they both have full-time jobs. Add to that is the fact that women need more sleep than men do, and you have a recipe for her wanting sleep more than sex when both your heads hit the pillow.
2. She resents or is angry at you
In any romantic relationship, both men and women need about five times as many positive events than negative ones to say that they are satisfied with the relationship. The difference for women, however, is that they tend to ruminate over negative events more than do men. In other words, when bad things happen in a marriage, like when a husband and his wife quarrels, she mentally ties that insult to its grander meanings like thinking that she married the wrong man.Because women ruminate more, wives are much more likely to come to bed resenting their husbands. And all the proper timing and sex tricks in the world are not going to make the sex good for an angry or resentful spouse.
3. She does not have the freedom to choose when and how much sex she will have
This stirs in her something called psychological reactance, which refers to the desire to restore a sense of freedom when it has been taken away. Back in the old days, psychologists discovered that virtually everyone experiences reactance. It is the same for your wife as something could trigger her reactance and all your pressure for sex makes her push you away. But this situation can be turned around to the point of making her beg for it.
Now, here are some steps that you can consider for better sex with your wife
1. Find out how much sex your wife really wants to have under optimal circumstances.
Let's say she says once a week. And let's say that your ideal is five times a week. Don't worry about that discrepancy - the important thing here is that she is still imagining herself wanting sex. Good! Your focus can now be to shift your expectations for your sex life with her down to once per week, and on other nights, you could just cuddle and go to sleep.
With time, the romantic times you have apart from physical sex would naturally develop to something more intimate.
2. Help her with the house chores to take some stress off her.
This includes things like bathing and putting the kids to bed or cooking, so that she is not totally worn out by the time you get around to slipping your hand under her nightgown.
Or you can hire someone to help her with the housework. When you combine this helpfulness with a low-pressure approach to sex, you may be stunned by the change in her responsiveness.
3. Time your sexual advances according to when she will crave it most during her menstrual cycle.
This means to make them more frequent a couple of days after her period has ended and less frequent (or never) immediately before and during her period. As mid-cycle approaches (i.e., a few days after her period has ended), several things happen: Her energy level rises, her vaginal wetness increases, and her cervix becomes softer and moves back.
All of these make sex better for both of you. A couple of exceptions to the monthly pattern are: (a) Some women crave sex the day before their periods starts (making that a good time for a sexual advance), and (b) many women are on the pill, which can diminish the surge of desire during mid-cycle.
Source: Pulse Media