Easy there, love doctor! The last thing you should worry about is whether your lovemaking skills are on track. Sex is the one thing given to us by the angels of penetration – for free – and stressing while performing can muck up the whole experience. Steer clear of these sex bloopers (we need not mention pretending you’re in a porno) and the only stress you’ll have is not being able to clone yourself, so you can have more sex.
1. Talking Too Much Before:
Starting off a date by revealing all the detective work you’ve done online so far, like slipping in the occasional ‘I saw on Twitter that you had a crazy night last night’, is absolutely not allowed. You might be thinking it shows you’ve done your homework and that you care, but nothing feels creepy-crawlier than someone who has their eye on your every move. It screams trust issues and control. Instead, wait until she shares information about her life, and if it’s something work related that you came across then mention you’ve seen it before. She’ll be impressed you took the time to value her, before even getting to know her.
2. Pretending You’re a Mind-reader
While those bedtime horror stories about women faking orgasms might sometimes be true, the big takeaway should always be that you might never know if she’s enjoying herself or not. Don’t hesitate to ask quick and clearly, ‘How does that feel?’ The simple question will heighten her pleasure. Never assume you know what’s happening in that mind-jungle, unless your face is buried between her thighs and your beard is dripping from her orgasm.
3. Condemning the Clitoris
Cramming them fingers in there like you’re trying to retrieve keys fallen down a drain? If manual stimulation is your first move, let us get your head out the gutter. With over 8,000 nerve endings, the clitoris is the most sensitive zone, and while we’re proud you know where it is, poking around there from the beginning is reckless. There’s no lubrication, it’s invasive and in order to really get her aroused you should touch her everywhere but the genitals. The tease alone will accelerate lust.
4. Pretzels Are for Eating
I once had a lover who manhandled my legs into position, ‘This one goes here,’ he’d say reassuringly while propping my one foot on his knee as I lay dumbfounded on top of him facing the ceiling, ‘and this one goes here’. Pretzels are for eating, not body contorting and you don’t need to be dangling from a sex swing to have great sex. If the passion and connection is there, your bodies will shift naturally, and never snub the OG missionary position – it’s a go-to that doesn’t make her feel like her asshole might be exposed or make her vagina make weird sounds every time you maneuver her into a new position. Don’t be clinical about it, try soft-spoken requests instead.
5. Refusing to Tease
When you’re thrusting in and out of your partner and feel a great momentum, slow down and pull yourself to a point where the tip of the penis is touching the opening to the genitals. That minor pause and change in movement will make them wilder than a Kardashian drinking champagne. Trust the tease.