Great sex alone can't sustain a loving relationship, but it sure as hell can keep you circling back to a toxic relationship time and again.
Intermittent fantasies about how wonderful he is, after a passionate night accidentally shared out of the blue, waking up next to her and remembering how much you love and miss the smell of her hair... "God! There's not a woman on the planet I can love like this."
The problem is there's not a woman on the planet you can loathe like this either.
Sex highjacks our mind for good reasons. The more a woman engages in sex with her partner,the more oxytocin is released. It's the chemical that strengthens and deepens emotional bonds. The more a man revisits sex with an ex, the more territorial and entrenched his attraction and desire becomes.
You're temporarily hooked and all is well for a moment, until his inevitable flash temper rears its ugly head and her familiar bitchy attitude makes an appearance. You find yourself asking the question, how on earth could I have crawled in bed with this lizard yet again?
There is a remedy — I call it the Atlantis solution. Atlantis was once thought to be a lush beautiful city that tragically sank into the ocean after a devastating tsunami tore through its borders. Much like the lavish fantasies we create that keep us bound and tethered to our exes, we can expect to perpetually find ourselves feeling as though we're sinking to the bottom of the sea, too.
How can we combat the desire to reconnect with her sexually and avoid the feelings of guilt and regret that are sure to follow the deed?
I've been prescribing the Atlantis solution to clients for the last decade. What is it? It's one last blissful trip into the bedroom. But you will approach this last trip with the reverence, thought, and care it deserves.
It's this special trip that will prevent you wasting precious time reminiscing over the past and day-dreaming about what once was. In all actuality, what once was, was nothing more than sorrow and dysfunction sprinkled with great sex every now and again.
When you make your return to Atlantis, you are invited to plan it with great care, as you won't be returning ever again. Pack your bags with all manner of jellies, creams, rubs, toys, delights, sweets, treats, accompanied by silk and satin sheets. The Atlantis solution is exactly what you think of it as: a final sexual conquest. An adventure that marks the closing of a tattered worn-out door and the opening of fresh possibilities.
By scheduling a final night or weekend of amazing sex with your ex, you will free yourself to get it out of your system once and for all. Clients have told me that on some level they felt as though they were planning an opulent funeral. That's the idea: you're planning your closure.
If your ex is game, you can go all out and even book a room at the Hilton or another posh resort. Believe it or not, all the planning and build up to the evening or weekend serves as a deterrent to fall back in the same pattern.
A believer in the Atlantis solution said, "There was just something so final about deciding to do this from beginning to end. When I got in my car and drove away, I felt it was really over. I literally didn't want to go there anymore."
I'm often asked, Won't spending an evening or weekend of sexual bliss back fire and make a couple want to reconnect even more? I've found that a 24 to 48 hours time frame is more than enough to remind an ex couple why it's best to go their own separate ways.
Sex accounts for less than five to ten percent of the actual time a couple will spend together, even during a long weekend. The rest will be spent communicating, and an inability to communicate is primarily what breaks relationships apart.
The Atlantis solution is about closing old doors, not opening them. The guilt, regret, and constant emotional boomerang cycle that sex with your ex will most undoubtedly inflict is not worth it.
So sex with your ex one last time and then end it for good.